The Paradox felt#

I don’t even know how to describe this feeling except to call it boredom layered on boredom. It’s not just being bored because there’s nothing to do — it’s being bored of being itself.

I tell myself I want to study, I want to learn, I want to grow. But then I catch myself scrolling endlessly, wasting hours on things that don’t matter. And somehow, that feels more exciting than opening a book or focusing on something meaningful. It’s ridiculous, but it’s real.

The Chains of Boredom#

This boredom isn’t limited to scrolling. It creeps into structured routines too — the same activities repeated without variation, the same patterns that feel like cages. I get tired of sitting still, but I’m also too tired to take action. It’s a paradox: exhausted by silence, yet drained by movement.

And then comes the worst part: the quiet moments when I look at other people’s lives and feel envy. They seem to have rhythm, energy, purpose. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in this loop of boredom, watching from the sidelines.

A Confession#

Sometimes I wonder if boredom is less about having nothing to do, and more about losing the will to care. It’s not that I don’t have options — it’s that every option feels dull, heavy, or pointless. And so I drift into distractions, chasing temporary relief in meaningless activity.

Scrolling, chatting nonsense, filling the silence with noise. It’s not satisfying, but it numbs the boredom for a while.

The Reflection#

I don’t have a neat conclusion here. This isn’t advice, it’s just me admitting that boredom can be suffocating. It can make even the simplest actions feel impossible. It can turn silence into envy, and routine into chains.

Maybe writing this down is my way of breaking the loop, even just a little. Because boredom is boring — and I’m tired of being bored of being.

Today, I feel disappointed. Huh.. haha. But I won’t give up, even though my optimism has been destroyed many times by lust.
Yes, that’s natural, that’s human. But it also shows that life as consciousness is dynamic.
No human can hold one thing absolutely still for long without wavering.

So yeah, I don’t want to give up, even though this cycle can’t be permanently erased, at least I can control it. See you in 10 years. - me.